entropy

entropy engulfs me 

bending and distorting my soul into its smallest conformation 

it’s more stable this way 

more favorable inscribed in my notebook

can chaos be controlled?

taunted by variables and formulas 

all meaning is exiled 

when graphite strikes an x= 

i plug in neat numbers

and am fed functions of pi

and words are worse than numbers

they too have error between syllables 

between the synapse of neurons 

unable to connect my precise meaning 

substituting numbers with letters into a more complex equation 

my identity is indivisible
an unrestricted domain I find myself making brackets for

explaining my words 

across different worlds

never to be truly understood or heard 

 i knelt to the thesaurus as my theology

only to stand up an atheist

lost in translation 

screaming empty words with frustration

the limit of language similarly approaching zero 

i am left defining the non differentiable

staring blankly at a page

saturated with numbers only a calculator can compute 

etched into a world of binary code

i refuse to simplify into zeros and ones  

        diabolical dialect

my neck constricting in a noose of ill-fitting idioms

i fail to pronounce my feelings

with the formula to flick my tongue correctly

complexities are left gnawing inside of me 

though they are mute, their teeth still bite  

inside this vessel i suffocate 

grasping at grammar

sinking my teeth into solutions 

i am unable to derive 

entropy expands, i am left boiling inside